Tag Archives: Faith

Losing Faith No More

To any school where bullying, harassment, or mean-spirited behavior is fostered:

You are the reason I almost lost faith in humanity.

In the basement of the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C., children’s artwork lines the walls, much of which is boldly stamped with the humbling, optimistic words, NEVER AGAIN. I’ve toured the memorial four or five times, and ending each visit in that basement left me, as a teacher, so hopeful that children of today “get it”, that we humans were evolving, that mass evil could never take over a society again.  In the face of modern day terror- from the booming businesses of sex slavery and child pornography to suicide bombings and genocides- the innocent images and quixotic words that lined the walls of that basement asserted themselves in the back of my mind, assuring me that we humans do learn from our mistakes, that we are, ultimately, evolving.  Never again, right?

My mother raised me to understand that conformity can be the root of evil.  Conforming on a small level could lead to conforming on a big level, an Adolf-Hitler-and-the Nazi-party level.  My mother was born in the Netherlands and was raised during the apex of WWII.  When she was just three years old, they placed a helmet on her little head to “protect” her from the bombs that fell from her sky.  Her only music was the repetitive thumping of soldiers’ steel-toed boots as they marched past her building.  My mother was not Jewish, she did not have to live the terrors of the Nazi regime the same way millions of others did, but she bore witness to it nonetheless.  And so my mother raised me to understand that when we don’t form our own opinions, when we blindly follow the masses, evil can happen.

I became a teacher in part because I wanted to pass my mother’s life lesson on to new generations.  This was my way of making sure that children learned to think for themselves, to follow their sense of right and wrong.  This was my way of trying to make sure it never happens again.  Whether I taught history, literature, or grammar, I wove this lesson in to my classes or conversations with kids one way or another.  Think for yourself.  Never be a blind follower.  Stand up for what is right and just and good in this world.  Never follow the herd just to fit in.  And for years, I saw good children become even better adults who were open-minded and open-hearted, who knew right from wrong, kind from cruel, good from bad.  It seems like such a simple lesson, really.  And it always seemed so easy to pass on to kids.

… Until the three years I spent teaching at a-school-that-shall-remain-nameless-here.  I watched children and adults loathe each other based solely on rumors.  I saw people shrug their shoulders when they heard that a violent or criminal act had been committed.  I heard people lie in order to fit in.  I saw remorseless psychological and verbal violence take place simply because that’s how the cool kids were acting.  I learned that many believe that success is actually based not on one’s ability to think independently, be happy, or evolve spiritually, but rather on how well one follows the leader.

But, what does it matter if you get into a good university if all you know to do is follow the herd, if you cannot stop to think about the ways in which your actions and words impact others, if you cannot  treat another human being with respect, if you cannot maintain a friendship that goes beyond a simple greeting, if you cannot  think for yourself to determine what is moral or immoral?  I saw children earn straight A’s, attend Ivy League schools, get high scores on the standardized tests, acquire accolades for their achievements … but they did not necessarily know how to stand up for what is right, how to be their own person, how to care about something outside of themselves, how to be kind.

A good education is not about high SAT scores or getting into a certain university; education is about teaching children how to decipher right from wrong, how to think, how to embrace diversity, how to live a life with integrity.  Grammar, writing, and literature – pertinent as they may be –  are the means through which I strive to do this.

I lost faith in humanity for a few years there, but three years removed from the school that so damaged my faith in humanity, I now witness random acts of kindness among teenagers, am part of mutually respectful interactions between adults and kids, and am privy to genuine goodness every day that I walk the school hallways.  And when I look into my own heart, I see sincerely good intentions.  Perhaps best of all, however, as my two sons grow up before my eyes, I have the honor of knowing two extraordinarily compassionate and loving human beings who are much like their father.   Through all of this, I am losing faith in humanity no more.  :)

Truth #8: Love is the bottom line.

rainbow_elam_1

Just a few days ago, Sarah Majoras still walked this planet, my dear friend still had his life partner, a mother still had her daughter, a world still had its Sarah.  And just a few days ago, in another town about 500 miles north, Catherine “Kitty” Houghton still walked this planet, the world still had its vibrant Kitty spreading her brilliance and spending her life giving to others all across the globe.

When a beloved friend’s girlfriend walks home from work as she always has and is found five days later, deceased, in a frozen canal; when a 70-year-old colleague is stabbed to death in a senseless act of violence in a town where no such violence has ever occurred; when those you love are drowning in grief and pain over two lost lives in three days, then it becomes hideously apparent that no, life is not fair.  Bad things can and do happen to good - really good – people.  This is real, this is fact.

But no one said that life would be fair, so why do we expect it to be?  No one said that good people would not die tragically, that friends would not suffer, that two people in two different towns that mean something to you can’t both die in the same week.  No one said that this terrible week of  horrible fates could not happen.

What to do when the unfairness of life screams in your face – twice in one week?  Question God for a moment, question your faith for a moment, question the meaning of all of this for a moment or two or three, question whether something – anything – good can come of any of this.  And then pick up the pieces and move on, with the same lessons learned once again:

  • When life is unfair and the pain is too great to bear, remember this, that better moments will arrive, that good will always rise yet again - sometimes in moments too minuscule to be noticed without a magnifying glass … but they will rise again like waves, sometimes small and sometimes giant, out the ocean of despair.  Life will someday be sweet and have its moments of joy, passion, and serendipity once again, despite how despondent we may feel in this one moment, or week, or month.
  • In the end, all that really matters is love.  Did you love Sarah Majoras?  Did you love Kitty Houghton?  Did you love another who died tragically or unfairly?  Then that love is still very much alive.  We don’t know when our time to love someone will be up.   So, use these moments of darkness to ask yourself, Do I love well?  If not, use the unfairness and temporariness of life, use the sudden and terrible losses of Sarah and Kitty, to love well in words and deeds, starting now.

Truth #5: The soul never dies.

Samir Chandra Lahiri

My father passed away four years ago today.

I don’t need condolences, though, because I feel him with me.  I feel his laughter, his joy, his arms of protection. I feel his pride, his approval, his love. I feel him with me when I stop to admire a caterpillar, when I am greeted unexpectedly by a butterfly, when I freeze in awe of a wild buck standing before me, when I breathe in the “clean fresh air” as he used to say.

And on a day like today, the anniversary of his “death”, when more than a dozen hummingbirds fly within centimeters of my gaze for the first amazing time in my life; on a day like today, when a hawk sweeps over me with its unmistakable call, louder than ever before; on a day like today, when I can unexplainably smell his musky cologne and the fennel seed on his breath …

I know without a doubt that he has not died; he has merely changed form.  

I can no longer wrap my arms around him or hear his thick accent, but he exists nonetheless.  He was not his body, he was not his mind, he was not his personality.  He was his soul.

And his soul is still very much alive.

Awakening to Faith

Death Valley Sunrise: DSC_02851

The great truth, the one fact that no one can deny, is that this life is temporary.

No matter what our religion or parents or social circles may tell us, no one can scientifically prove that X is exactly what happens after our heart stops beating.  The bottom line is that in the end, we have no definitive answers; simply put, we know nothing beyond the fact that, well, this life as we know it will “die”.

We are then left with a choice:  We can fear, sulk, dread, run, hide, and melt into a hideous depression … or we can have faith.  I am not referring to the mindless faith that is sometimes demanded of us when we join certain organized religions, but rather the wakeful faith that is the inner belief of your heart.   If we remain connected primarily to the mind as the instrument through which we understand life, then, yes, life can be viewed as a tragedy because in the end, we all die, and there is scientific proof of nothing more.  But if we have the courage to consciously move out of our mind and into our heart, an uncomfortable transition for many, then perhaps we can awaken to faith, to the steadfast, inexplicable understanding that there is so much more to life than meets the eye.

The mind cannot explain what causes the fetus’s heart to beat for that very first time. The mind cannot be fully responsible for the greater-than-human inner and physical strength a mother musters up in order to push a child out of her body and into the world. The mind cannot explain why we  have at times felt the intangible presence of those we have loved and who have gone before us. The mind cannot make sense of the miracle of spontaneous healing. The mind cannot wrap itself around the sensation of falling in love. The mind cannot comprehend the sheer miracle that you are alive despite the staggering numbers stacked against you – from the millions of sperm that didn’t find their way to the egg, to the spontaneous abortions that happen to three out of four pregnancies, to surviving being birthed. The mind cannot explain why you found that particular job at that moment, why you were born into that particular family, why you met that person with whom you fell in love. The mind cannot comprehend the beauty to which we are all drawn, whether it be in the form of a breath-taking landscape or a lover’s face. The mind cannot know love.

This identity, and this life that we have embraced as “reality”, will simply be no more one day.  So, we can choose to live in our mind, that part of us that does not experience miracles, that part of us that depends upon scientific proof to believe that life is more than what we experience through our physical senses.  Or we can choose to live from the heart, the core of our spirit, that part of us that has faith that the universe is benevolent, that a creator exists, that miracles do occur, that there is meaning to life and to what comes after.

It is a simple choice, really:  Live from the mind and view life as a tragedy, or live from the heart and experience life as a miracle.

Copyright © 2012   Unauthorized use and/or duplication of any material on this site without express & written permission from  Anitra Lahiri is strictly prohibited.

To Life:

Wave-Rolling-In-at-Ocean-Reef-Park-Singer-Island

Wave-Rolling-In-at-Ocean-Reef-Park-Singer-Island (Photo credit: Captain Kimo)

 

To me, the meaning of life is simple.

 

I think I first understood it when my beloved dog’s eyes settled on mine, oozing with compassion as I leaned into her fur, my face coated in childhood tears and snot.  I understood it when my sister told me, fervently, that she wished I could view myself as she viewed me, love myself as much as she loved me.  I understood it when I fell so in love that his departure from my life left me sickeningly, unabridgedly hollow.  I understood it when my dear late friend placed his hands on my shoulders, looked into and beyond my eyes, and told me that he loved me unconditionally.  I understood it with each foster pet I rescued from a terrible fate.  I understood it when Nik’s green eyes looked down at mine – present, hopeful, erupting in soulfulness – as he asked me to marry him.  I understood it as every one of my cells wept at my father’s memorial service.  I understood it when we stared mournfully at a blank ultrasound monitor.  I understood it when I held my sons close for the first time.  I understand it when I look at my boys.  I understand it when I stand before a room full of adolescents who perk up with excitement when we talk about literature.  I understand it when I write.  I understand it when I hike with my family, when I make morning coffee for Nik, when I see a black bear in the wild, when I wake up and realize I’m still here.

 

We intellectualize, analyze, anatomize, scrutinize the meaning of our lives … when, really, the meaning of life is quite simple.

 

Here’s to Life.