“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.” ~Hafiz
A few weeks ago, I posted a question on a social forum. It read, “Is anyone else here familiar with self-sabotage?” The responses were staggering. Most of the replies came to me in the form of private messages, while a few brave souls contributed descriptions of their experiences and thoughts publicly. Silently, covertly, I had been intimate with self-sabotage for my entire adult life (and perhaps longer). But I had no idea that so many others out there had this long, tenuous, frustrating relationship with self sabotage, too.
Does the following description sound like you?
You’ve heard the word ‘potential’ thrown your way, or you’ve seen glimpses of your own talents, skills, and dare I say, gifts; but you passively watch from afar, thinking, hmmm, maybe someday. Or maybe others have extended their hands in friendship or interest, but you’ve neglected to reach out and grab a hold of them in return. Or perhaps you’ve made mistakes – bad ones – and though you are fully aware of what you did wrong and how to avoid those transgressions in the future, you repeat those very same mistakes yet again! If any of this sounds familiar, then it’s possible that on some level, you don’t feel worthy – worthy of success, worthy of attracting good things, worthy of friends, worthy of whatever else your subconscious may feel unworthy of.
Since so many of us are clandestinely sabotaging our own success or happiness, let’s get it all on the table right now:
So maybe you were abused, insulted, neglected, or bullied, and you’re still reeling from that. Or maybe you just have this incredibly obnoxious rambling inner voice that tells you you’re no good, so why even try. Or maybe you’ve succumbed to addiction and you just see no way out. There are a million and ten different reasons why people self-sabotage or feel unworthy, but no matter the original cause, what’s at the root of it now that we’re adults? A disbelief in what you could actually be, which is exponentially more brilliant than you may be comfortable admitting. We don’t think we’re worth it … pursuing that passion or god-given gift, accepting that friendship, internalizing the lesson behind that mistake. And so we sit there, passive, wanting but not wanting, wishing for happiness but not actually trying to achieve it.
What sends me in a tizzy is realizing - really, fully realizing – that this life I am living, this life that you are living, is impermanent. One day, you and I will be no more. Poof! Whether you believe in the afterlife or not, you will not have this life that you have now, and all that talent, all those chances, all those gifts, all those friendships, all that could have been had you not felt so unworthy … will be gone.
This is my challenge to you:
- Look at your life and take note of whether or not you self-sabotage in any way.
- Then, consider what your life would be like if you stopped sabotaging yourself, your successes, your relationships, your opportunities … if instead of giving in to that subconscious belief because of whatever happened back there, you actually opened your eyes to the gifts that lay in front of you right now, in this very-fleeting life of yours – from your talents to your passions to your loved ones to your health – and you seized all of it, and soared.
- Then what? Then perhaps, instead of someday drawing your last breath looking back and realizing you had wasted so much, you will instead draw your last breath knowing that you did all you could do to be the full expression of You that was possible in this fleeting and fragile life.